3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
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He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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