he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
be right there i have to get my cape
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
