I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dignity is for republicans.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
