You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
