People with herpes should wear stickers.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
