I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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