I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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