he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
