Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
