He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
