I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just had sex on a roof
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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