I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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