Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Randomize
