did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
