I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
