i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
