well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
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