VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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