yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
