plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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