so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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