My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
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He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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