okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
