when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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