i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
