Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
