I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
