How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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