i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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