i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
