how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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