Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
