Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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