please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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