I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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