found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
