i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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