You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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