FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Panties = found
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
