Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
