did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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