ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
