See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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