just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
