she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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