I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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