I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
