Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
