Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
