someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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