he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
