mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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