Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
