Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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