I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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