U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
