There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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