I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
