had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
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I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
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All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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