apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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