Can i not drive my cunt home
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just want nice things and good sex
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
