Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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