i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
