just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
