Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
