Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My bed smells like the plague
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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