we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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