Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
