I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
