just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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