i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
