The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
