I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Semen is not good for contacts.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
