im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
