Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
