I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
