ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
