Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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