a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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