god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
