I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
