suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
