My first STD was from a foam party
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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