a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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